You're the boss, applesauce

22 year old chubby blonde girl, new to New York, makes a lot of jokes. I'm an addlepated twit. Unadulterated pap. I think the monkey is the sultan! Zippity doo dah day. How does that grab you, darlin'? How does that mess your mind?

  • 12-year-old girl: I don't want kids when I grow up.
  • Society: You'll change your mind when you get older. You're only 12. You're too young to know what you want.
  • 16-year-old girl: I'm pregnant.
  • Society: How could you be so stupid? Do you know anything about safe sex? You should be ashamed.
  • 20-year-old woman: I'm a single mother with an infant son.
  • Society: You should've gone to college first. You need a stable career before you can support a child.
  • 33-year-old woman: I'm married and my spouse and I both have stable careers. I have two young daughters now.
  • Society: You're not staying home? Who's going to take care of them? You're just going to put them in day care while you work? That's selfish of you. You can't expect to raise decent kids with a full-time job.
  • 45-year-old woman: I just had my first child.
  • Society: Why would you have a child when you're that old? Do you realize the health risks of being pregnant at your age? When your kid is a teenager you'll be a senior citizen. That's inconsiderate of you.
  • 60-year-old woman: I haven't had any children.
  • Society: Your life must be so unfulfilling. Is there something wrong with you? Why didn't you want kids? How strange.

from now on, for every pregnancy announcement or engagement announcement, I will be buying myself five new articles of clothing.